Well, long ago, on a planet far, far away (I think), I was born Andrew Michael Phreaquey Special Durst. I took the name Phred because of my famous cousin, Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. I actually wrote all the songs for him, but of course he would deny it. I don't like him that much. He's kind of evil.

Anyway, though, I am one crazy mo-fo. Don't make me come and bust a cap in your face, gee-dog. The day I understand gangster-talk is the day I fly to Mars under my own power, if you know what I mean. Can't these people be a little less creative? I mean, they're so wild and crazy I don't even understand what they're saying.

But enough of my looney-speak. I have to go rest my cortex now, as my right temporal lobe is getting a little twitchy. I hope that nobody understands what I am talking about, or I would be really embarassed. Well, no I wouldn't. After all, I AM special.